The saying goes, “you win some you lose some.” Sounds pretty evenhanded. It’s almost like they’re two sides of the same coin. Both worthy of respect. But that’s not how we treat them in real life. There are only winner’s circles. We only covet the undefeated records of professional boxers. Second place the first loser. Win or go home, and so on. The truth is, you only win some after you lose A WHOLE FUCKING LOT. That’s part of the process. And it doesn’t get enough respect.
Social media is a big offender here. We only showing the best pictures and only the greatest achievements in our lives. These lies have led us all astray from the reality that most of life is a losing battle.
I will purposely keep using the word loser in place of amore appropriate term to highlight just how ridiculous it sounds to call a professional [anything] that.
In my line of work, there are years and years and years and yeeeeeeeeears of failures before you, the audience member purchase a ticket to watch the comic do their thing so well and make it look so effortless, that you think “Hey, I can do that!” You can’t. Not yet at least. You’re not a loser yet. Not until you gotten down and dirty in the trenches and endure the emotional ass kicking it takes to get that good. But that’s not appetizing and entertaining. We only want eat the sausage not see how it’s made.
Starting out in standup, it is highly encouraged to tape every set and watch it. Back in my day that meant getting a mini tape recorder (I’m two hundred years old) and listening to scratchy audio that barely captures anything beyond the first couple rows.
I still did it. And let me tell you, the sets where I got some laughs were an absolute delight to hear. The tragic part was those were the sets I learned nothing from. They were at best ego strokes, and if you’ve already committed yourself to a life of standup, you’ve got enough ego to fill every seat of a Boeing 747 and fuel it to fly around the world 500 times.
You have to listen to the bad sets. The sets where the jokes are new and don’t land or not new and still don’t land. In the early open mic days they’re only three to five minute sets, but they feel like hours. It’s painful. It’s necessary. you gotta sit there and figure out why you lost and figure how to fix it and understand that you’ll likely fail again tomorrow. That’s what differentiates winners from actual losers. I’m not here to compare elites to journeymen. They’re are all winners in my book.
I want to see more losers losing publicly. In the grand scheme of things, being a champion is fleeting anyway. Most of a champion’s life is spent as a loser; working, training and clawing their way up the ranks while other champions shine and then -BOOM- it’s their turn to be one until the next crop of losers rise up. This process repeats forever and ever.
Boxing suffers from this too. All these awesome fighters not wanting to tarnish their perfect records because fans will think aren’t great anymore. Wrong. Even the fighters with more losses than wins are still sooooo good. Any journeyman facing an elite champion can look terrible, but compared to us, he’s an elite specimen. If any one of us faced Canelo Alvarez (who by the way has a professional loss on his record and is a better fighter because of it) in a boxing ring we would last four seconds then wake up in a hospital two weeks later wondering what round it is now. The worst professional boxer is still so good he can make it look like we could last a few rounds against Canelo. That’s the one thing all pros have in common whether they’re first place or 33rd place. They know how to lose. They do it often behind closed doors. They’ve gotten really, really good at it. And the secret is they still do. We just don’t want to see it because we’ve been conditioned to believe it’s ugly and sad and not what true winners do.
Learn how to fail. Lean into it. Embrace it. Become a better loser and you’re already on the path to victory.
"I want to see more losers losing publicly."
Yes! I'm trying to lead by example in this way. My ego doesn't love it but fuck it, I'm over my ego running the show.